Today Satya Robin is launching her career under her new name. I’d like to wish her all the best. This post is by way of taking part in the celebrations.

I thought hard about What I Live For, and meandered off into long ago stories and dark places. I thought: ‘Is every day a decision to live?’

Maybe we have less choice than we believe. The world is beautiful and awful, and all the thousand and one things inbetween. Perhaps its the unanswerable questions that keep us going, or the desire to know and understand the world, or even just to try. With a mixture of hope and uncertainty, I get up every day and keep trying.

So in the end, I came up with a sense more than a thing. Curiosity. It’s a slight swerve, I know, but I suspect answering the question ‘What I Live For’ is a lifetime’s task. In the words of John Muir: ‘The world is big and I want to have a good look at it before it goes dark.’

The Cat Will Die Anyway

In bed the day opens like a big window
this early all the shapes are vague and huge
the woman turns over as carefully as she can
tugs at the sheet that is warmed
to the same temperature as her skin.

Behind her they are asleep, a tangled nest.
There is stiffness in her back, the uneven
ladder of her spine
where she has held herself still all night.

Her hip aches, her fingers are curled shut.
There is hunger waiting in her belly
like a restless upwards pull
And behind the white curtain
she has no idea if it is raining or fine